I spent many years in the New England area and was put in to some very uncomfortable scenarios when I tried to move my boat from port to port over land. Bicyclists.
Bicyclists are, by all State and Federal law, supposed to follow the same rules as motorcycles and motor vehicles. Unfortunately, their tight spandex and superiority complexes make it hard to handle. One only needs to try to drive to work to experience a dipshit blowing a red light and switching lanes on a road.
Richmond is hosting a wonderful bike racing event this week. We already started off strong for the city: Let's try to steal fucking bikes!
Roads are closed. People are snooty. Lots of folks who wanted to go out to eat need to walk a few blocks before they can get fat on racist southern food.
Then again, deal. This is the new age. As the UCI (Union Cycliste Internationale) states, “It’s like our international coming out party". The Washington Post, known as a non-politically aligned totally fair news source states that "The event, the UCI Road World Championships, has not taken place in the United States in almost 30 years and has strayed from Europe only seven times since 1927. About 300 million people are expected to tune in, dwarfing the global television audience for this year’s Super Bowl."
Bull fucking shit. Pardon my Internationale French. This event is clogging a very middling city which relies upon people actually driving to work...not biking. I know, I know, what about all those fucksticks in the fan with beards and art degrees? Well, that's not an issue. They don't actually work until someone tells them to protest southern heritage for 30 bucks. They'll mostly be high and sleeping when the actual athletes ride their bicycles around the city and hope they aren't stolen.
But then, hey, I'm just a guy who works on a fishing boat and makes money selling my catches to all of the wonderful restaurants around town, like Havana 59.
Let's get the low down from the Mayor himself!
"Mayor Dwight C. Jones had been on the job for a matter of months and was pondering how to pump up his city’s profile when someone slapped a glossy magazine on his desk, pointed to the cover story and said: “How would you like to have this in Richmond?”
Well, Mayor?
“At first I thought we couldn’t handle it.”
And then??????
Six months later, he changed his mind.
Fucking crazy! How did a disgustingly under-performing city run by a liberal caste that can't die make this work?
"How Richmond, a city of about 214,000, landed the big event makes for an interesting tale, but the way in which the organizers have Americanized the event is a better story."
Oh...... *puts on spandex and gets some lube*
“Americans will take any excuse for having a party,” said Jones, who has traveled to the last three cycling world championships. “For us, it’s going to be a nine-day festival, a nine-day party.”
Son of a bitch! *lubes up*
So, our mayor, who apparently travels around the world watching cyclists, has introduced a 9 day cycling party to Richmond. Sweet!
I was downtown last night and two guys were digging in a trash can with a dog that looked a lot like my co-pilot, Neville Chamberlain, and got in my face. "Yo, dude, we are trying to leave town, can you help?" I replied, "I wish I could, but no cash."
The dude said to me "I don't believe you, but I suppose I have to trust you."
So I walked back, pulled out my wallet and showed him zero money. I assumed he was going to ask me to use his square pay feature and just make a transaction. He didn't. However, I feel his pain, most people are trying to get out of the way for this 9 day fucking party on two wheels which does not involve Harleys or Veterans.
What should all you go to work drones think about this "event"? Well, the mayor says, "Think Mardi Gras with bicycles."
Sweet. Drunk people on bicycles with tits out crashing on most of our most used roads....
There has to be a history to this, right? RIGHT?!
"For 87 years, the championship has been all about the racing, with fans bellying up to the barriers and watching the riders whiz by. Richmond — with symphony and hip-hop concerts and other events — will be something different."
Sweet. The bicycling internationale is no longer about bicycling....it's about turning a city in to a place people can poop on BMWs. Lovely. Hey, what if we just throw beads at all the fucking bicyclists!
“We’re trying to create an event that’s more attractive to the broader audience than just the hard-core cycling fans,” said Tim Miller, chief operating officer for the event.
Thanks, Tim. Your event is shutting down a city for diversity and a broader audience.....you know, maybe that fucking dude who stole a $10,000 bike sitting unattended downtown is a great representation of what Richmond feels about your shitty bike event.
Take it, shove it, and here is to a half million in stolen dreams, tears, and bicycles.
-Lex Lesotho
Bicyclists are, by all State and Federal law, supposed to follow the same rules as motorcycles and motor vehicles. Unfortunately, their tight spandex and superiority complexes make it hard to handle. One only needs to try to drive to work to experience a dipshit blowing a red light and switching lanes on a road.
Richmond is hosting a wonderful bike racing event this week. We already started off strong for the city: Let's try to steal fucking bikes!
Roads are closed. People are snooty. Lots of folks who wanted to go out to eat need to walk a few blocks before they can get fat on racist southern food.
Then again, deal. This is the new age. As the UCI (Union Cycliste Internationale) states, “It’s like our international coming out party". The Washington Post, known as a non-politically aligned totally fair news source states that "The event, the UCI Road World Championships, has not taken place in the United States in almost 30 years and has strayed from Europe only seven times since 1927. About 300 million people are expected to tune in, dwarfing the global television audience for this year’s Super Bowl."
Bull fucking shit. Pardon my Internationale French. This event is clogging a very middling city which relies upon people actually driving to work...not biking. I know, I know, what about all those fucksticks in the fan with beards and art degrees? Well, that's not an issue. They don't actually work until someone tells them to protest southern heritage for 30 bucks. They'll mostly be high and sleeping when the actual athletes ride their bicycles around the city and hope they aren't stolen.
But then, hey, I'm just a guy who works on a fishing boat and makes money selling my catches to all of the wonderful restaurants around town, like Havana 59.
Let's get the low down from the Mayor himself!
"Mayor Dwight C. Jones had been on the job for a matter of months and was pondering how to pump up his city’s profile when someone slapped a glossy magazine on his desk, pointed to the cover story and said: “How would you like to have this in Richmond?”
Well, Mayor?
“At first I thought we couldn’t handle it.”
And then??????
Six months later, he changed his mind.
Fucking crazy! How did a disgustingly under-performing city run by a liberal caste that can't die make this work?
"How Richmond, a city of about 214,000, landed the big event makes for an interesting tale, but the way in which the organizers have Americanized the event is a better story."
Oh...... *puts on spandex and gets some lube*
“Americans will take any excuse for having a party,” said Jones, who has traveled to the last three cycling world championships. “For us, it’s going to be a nine-day festival, a nine-day party.”
Son of a bitch! *lubes up*
So, our mayor, who apparently travels around the world watching cyclists, has introduced a 9 day cycling party to Richmond. Sweet!
I was downtown last night and two guys were digging in a trash can with a dog that looked a lot like my co-pilot, Neville Chamberlain, and got in my face. "Yo, dude, we are trying to leave town, can you help?" I replied, "I wish I could, but no cash."
The dude said to me "I don't believe you, but I suppose I have to trust you."
So I walked back, pulled out my wallet and showed him zero money. I assumed he was going to ask me to use his square pay feature and just make a transaction. He didn't. However, I feel his pain, most people are trying to get out of the way for this 9 day fucking party on two wheels which does not involve Harleys or Veterans.
What should all you go to work drones think about this "event"? Well, the mayor says, "Think Mardi Gras with bicycles."
Sweet. Drunk people on bicycles with tits out crashing on most of our most used roads....
There has to be a history to this, right? RIGHT?!
"For 87 years, the championship has been all about the racing, with fans bellying up to the barriers and watching the riders whiz by. Richmond — with symphony and hip-hop concerts and other events — will be something different."
Sweet. The bicycling internationale is no longer about bicycling....it's about turning a city in to a place people can poop on BMWs. Lovely. Hey, what if we just throw beads at all the fucking bicyclists!
“We’re trying to create an event that’s more attractive to the broader audience than just the hard-core cycling fans,” said Tim Miller, chief operating officer for the event.
Thanks, Tim. Your event is shutting down a city for diversity and a broader audience.....you know, maybe that fucking dude who stole a $10,000 bike sitting unattended downtown is a great representation of what Richmond feels about your shitty bike event.
Take it, shove it, and here is to a half million in stolen dreams, tears, and bicycles.
-Lex Lesotho
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