The Difference Between Ted Cruz and Donald Trump Using Social Media

Cruz Tweets:  My friends, please click here for a special message about what happened today.

*clicks link*

Page opens to Cruz2016.com with a long intro to a YouTube video that isn’t the transcript.  

Skims over the intro.  Hits start button.

“My fellow Americans, today is a day when we must all stand up together as one nation..”

Skip forward.

“. .As when James Madison once remarked in the during the drafting of the Declaration of Independance. .”

Skips again.

“. .  Which is why we all need gather as fellow brother and sisters of America. .”  

Skips again.

“. . For Harambe!   Thank you and God Bless America!”

And now Trump tweets out:  #DO4H

Your party of your friend that queefs

It's a hard question for a lot of republicans. It feels like we've been on the same side forever. A couple times you see this:

Harambe.


What did 4chan have to say?

Wow. Wow. Murder, death, and kill. My copilot and I have been playing old Xbox 360 games. Humans have automatic guns in the future. We should probably think about it. This evening, we are adding a new dude who never read http://turtleboysports.com/

When we get it all lubed, this will be amazing.

New Years

Happy New Years. I felt nude for a few hours today.  It certainly gave me some time to think. I thought about all my poor friends and how rich I am. I also thought about how I see the Lex's parents only four times a year. When my dad cries as I leave the driveway, I can only assume he is going to miss me and that I will crash my car.

I know I am not supposed to be a nice guy and my writing should make you feel bad about yourself. However, to all you homeless assholes who can still remember the faces of your fathers, happy new year. I think you all still have a place and, my god, your mom tastes like the ocean.

~Lex

One Late Afternoon At The GWAR Bar

After finding myself in downtown Richmond one afternoon, it was high time I paid my respects to a fine eating establishment that I have only heard about in passing to this point. Word of mouth only travels so far on social media this little pub was something I need to see in person.

The GWAR Bar was smaller than I expected it to be but surprisingly cozy. I missed the place as I was driving by it the first time despite it being the lone business on the corner.

I stood out from the small crowd that was there but not how I would have expected to. Mainly by my curious absence of body piercings and visible tattoos. No matter, I was going for vittles anyway.

The server was very helpful when I walked in. Asking if I wanted a table or to sit at the bar. Her tattoos looked depressed when I asked to sit at the bar.

 Not having much by way of funds or time, a small mean of wings—or ‘wangs’ as they called them—and a Coke would have to suffice. BBQ worked for me. And when they were served, they gave me real wings. Not the chopped up, sectioned out wings that most establishments offer.

So I had to pull them apart and gnaw the meat off down to the bone. The sauce complimented the wangs well and coated enough you couldn’t help but get your fingers coated with it. With the combination of tearing the wings apart and the red bbq sauce covering you fingers, it somehow made the meal feel that much more metal.

I asked where the restroom was when I finished but was told I will need to get a Slayer tattoo if I needed to use it. Lucky for me, there was a resident tattooist in the corner. I asked where he learned his craft and he replied, “Leavenworth”. Not having heard of that but assuming he knew that I knew what I was talking about, I felt safe getting the ink done. Besides, my bladder was on the point of bursting.

A tattoo that said, “*MEGADEATH*” circling my navel and an empty bladder later, I was ready to pay my bill.

It was a good thing I only had to urinate because the price for toilet paper was a Prince Albert. Whatever that is. I can only imagine that it wouldn’t be fun after seeing the needle they used.

I would go again. Just make sure to have my ink ready to go and empty the bowels before I leave the house.

So This Happened Today.

Gov. Scott Walker dropped his Presidential bid today.  

Yet Lindsey Graham is still in the race.  I see Lindsey talking but I hear Maverick's voice speaking.

PSA For Parents!

Great news. Coastal Plains was given some great information from the state government. Someone had to work on the weekend to give us this info. As always, we should never fear our children going to school. We have a very competent group that Barney oversees. What?! They spent about $6M on the weekend to bring us this super informative highlight. For all those with kids in school, we need to all be super vigilant.

This is a list of government approved images of what is and is NOT dangerous.






Clock - Don't worry, analog is still a viable method of time telling in 149 countries. Please do not alert authorities.

 
Bomb. Shadows hide demons. If a student refers to "checking the sundial", she is probably a terrorist.


Neo-proto-post-Mayan BOMB. This is a device known to the FBI and the CIA to trigger a world wide cataclysm when it hits 2012. Be vigilant, our cycle will end again in about 3000 years. There is no need to not be overly careful.

 
Obviously a bomb. Let's not joke around.


This is a digital clock used for many projects throughout the engineering world


This is also a clock made by someone with a tinfoil hat. It tells time one second behind "normal time". This is how Scotty stayed alive inside of a transporter for a long time.

 
This is a shitty science project that made a kid famous because his father wanted to make a point about bombs and kids in Texas. It does tell time. His dad is a huge cocksucker.

So, be safe! Be aware! You never know!

-Lex's clock is the seasons of salmon swimming in to your mom's chacha.